Popped (Day 152/167)

Officially look pregnant. Woman gave me her cart at the grocery store and the guy at Buffalo Exchange asked when I was due. How sweet :)

Learned that the popcorn and entire Swiss milk chocolate and hazelnut chocolate bar combination should never be attempted again. Running 3 miles at the gym helped a lot. Still running 3 miles 4-5 days a week. Lungs feel slightly smaller. Also have mystery cough...

Obsessed with filling my head with positive birth stories and watching positive birth videos. Finished my hypnobirthing book, still reading Ina May Gaskin and Mindful Birthing. Thinking about a homebirth and hiring a midwife and doula.

Eating lots of fruit and veggies. Discovered peanut butter dream whip. Oh my.

Must head to work now, then Utah.

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Elated (Day 160)

Day 160/145. Both are correct. 145 is more accurate but according to the doctor I am 160. So, 22 weeks and 6 days. Nearly 5 months. Time is flying. Feeling more excited now and less scared. Listening to Hypnobirthing and reading Mindful Birthing has helped a lot. Reading positive birth stories is also helping. Watching many episodes of "Call the Midwife". Cried last night because I could feel Rambo moving and I had this incredible urge to hold and snuggle my chubby little baby boy. Although it is somewhat unsettling to picture a little boy running around the house and thinking about how exhausting it will be, I can't help but feel excited. He will be half me, half Cyrus and 100% ours. Feeling less afraid of the actual birth. Believe in myself and know I can do it. Want to do it without pain medication. Did some research on the hospital recommended by our doctor. Looks like they are pro- natural birth. A lot of positive reviews. Feeling better about the hospital options....

Lonely (Day 121)

4 months. I think. It's hard to say. Q: How long are women actually pregnant? A: 280 days from last period to delivery. Doctor says I'm 19 weeks but I know exactly when it all went down so I know that the baby has actually been cooking for precisely 17 weeks. Whatever. All moved into the new house. It no longer looks like we live in a flea market. Working full days on top of it. Trying to exercise but it's 105 F every day. Still, ran 4 miles on Sunday morning, hiked 6 miles on Monday and 5.5 today. Tired but feeling good. No more nausea. Many thoughts. Not always loving pregnancy and feeling sorry for myself but know this is ridiculous and I am privileged and should not complain. But I'm going to anyway. Pregnancy feels lonely. Even though there is a little person inside me, accompanying me at all times. Even though so many women have gone through it and share their stories via blog posts and Podcasts, it still feels lonely because those women are not me. They're no...

How it Feels (Day 167)

26 Weeks Pregnant Last night I got a text from a friend, excited upon hearing that Cyrus and I were pregnant. He asked, "How does it feel?". It's a simple question, really, and one that I gave a brief, positive but realistic answer to. "Some days are tougher than others, but keeping active helps!" I put my phone down and took a bath. As the loud water rushed into the tub I thought about it more. I know that pregnancy has changed me in several ways already. I used to be weirded out by pregnancy. I had never spent much time with pregnant women - friends, family, or otherwise. I hadn't read much about it because it wasn't of interest to me. I was sure I wouldn't have children for several reasons ranging from the fear I had about them ruining one's life to a responsibility I felt for the future of the planet. These were all stupid, unfounded reasons stemming from my own insecurity and immaturity, but still. It was terrifying to think of creating ...

Where's Mommy?

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